


So You Want to Be a Superhero?

by icantsumupmyfandomsinonename



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), Original Work
Genre: Batman will have a cameo, Blood, Cutting, Depression, F/F, Gen, I was sure there was going to be F/M, I'll untag f/m for now, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, PTSD, Self Harm, Suicide, Trauma, but it doesn't seem to be happening, comic stuff, graphic death, hmmmm, it has references to batman in it, just sayin, mentions of physical abuse, overall mental illness, semi original work, there will be relationships :D, we'll see as it happens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 21:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icantsumupmyfandomsinonename/pseuds/icantsumupmyfandomsinonename
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Gotham City, a bunch of suicidal young adults form a team to fight crime. They may as well, you know? What better way to die than by saving other people? It turns out to be exactly what they expected and terrifyingly different at the same time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sparrow's Nest

Kelly pulled her coat around herself tightly as she stood on the curb and looked up at the building before her. It was definitely the kind of place you would expect a support group to be held in. It was grey. Just grey. It was more than a color, though. It was the building. Kelly shrugged and walked up to the door and pressed the bell, shifting nervously. She was _really_  not interested in being there, but her mother had literally thrown her out of the house that morning and shoved the address into her hand, telling her that she wouldn't be let back in for dinner unless she attended the meeting.  
  
The door buzzed and she pushed it in, looking around anxiously before noticing a - _grey_ \- desk with a security guard sitting behind it. She shifted uncomfortably in front of him as he eyed her. God, why was talking to people so fucking hard? "Hey..." She cleared her throat and dug through her pocket to find the paper her mother had handed her. "I'm looking for-" She handed it over to him. "Sparrow's Nest." The man pointed her towards the stairs and told her it was on the third floor. Room 308, apparently. She thanked him with a forced smile and hurried away, sure she had made a complete ass of herself. 

Room 308 looked like someone had let a four-year-old have free reign with the design, because while the building was completely grey - in color and mood - this one particular room was painted a deep shade of purple, close to Eggplant, and the carpet was green. Kelly felt like she had been thrown into some fucked up Alice in Wonderland. There were low chairs strewn around the room, with different various colors - all neon, which hurt her eyes, honestly - and low tables, which thankfully were all brown. She clutched her bag tightly as she stepped in. A kind looking woman with really frizzy hair stepped forward. "Hello, you're a bit late, but I'm sure the group will be dyi-" She stopped. "I'm sure they'll love to meet you."

Kelly smiled tightly and nodded. "Yeah, thanks. I got- I got lost." She explained. Yeah, no she hadn't. She had wandered the neighborhood aimlessly until she realized that her mother was actually serious about the threat.

The woman stuck her hand out, "I'm Alicia."

"Kelly." She took the hand begrudgingly and shook it, pulling back as quick as she could. Touching. Not high on her list of fun things to do. And not even particularly _now_. She had never liked touching.

"I'll show you in." Alicia smiled and tilted her head, leading Kelly into a side room - shocker, it was purple - and knocked on the open door, announcing that there was someone there. "Devin'll take it from here." She smiled at Kelly, pointing at the greying but definitely not old man sitting on one of the low chairs before she walked off.

God, Kelly felt like she was drowning. The greying-but-definitely-not-old man excused himself from the group of people he was sitting with and walked over to Kelly. "I'm Devin, in case you couldn't tell."

She smiled tightly and nodded, not really feeling like saying anything. The guy was obviously trying to lighten the mood, but she wasn't interested.

"Most people don't say much their first session." He said softly, "I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything. This is a safe place, and I want you to feel comfortable."

She nodded again, feeling like a bobble-head toy on a truck dashboard. "Okay."

"If you want, however, you _could_  introduce yourself to the group." He paused. "It's not a requirement, though. That can wait a week or two."

She fucking nodded _again_ , "It's okay. I can do that now." She swallowed. "It's not going to get any easier by next week anyway, is it?"

He smiled at her comfortingly. "Sometimes it does. But if you're good with going now, you can go now."

She bit her lip to keep herself from nodding, instead going for a tight, "Sure."

Devin turned and walked back toward the group, sitting down in his chair, motioning to an empty one for Kelly to sit down in.

She was suddenly hyper aware that she was still wearing her jacket and no one else in the room was. Should she take it off? That would be weird now. They would realize that she noticed she looked like a complete idiot. She figured that she would rather look like a senseless idiot than one who knew she was being an idiot, and opted to keep the jacket on, even though she was hot. She sat down and glanced at the group around her. Fucked-up looking lot they were.

"Do you want to..." Devin motioned at her.

"Oh, yeah." She swallowed, playing with her bag on her lap. "Hi. My name is Kelly-" She paused for the obligatory " _Hi Kelly_ " she expected from watching all of those mock videos of AA or shit, but nothing was forthcoming, and all of a sudden she felt just a little bit better about being there. "I'm sorta..." She scratched at the back of her hand nervously. "I'm socially anxious and depressed." She stared down at the carpet. "I'm also suicidal, which is what forced my mother to send me out here to get help." She looked up at Devin. "I'm honestly only here because my mother threatened to not let me into the house tonight."

Devin smiled and looked like he was about to answer when a frail looking guy on a bright orange chair spoke up, "Yeah, my dad did the same to me when I came here first."

Kelly looked at him quickly, "What?"

"Do you honestly think you're the only one here who'd rather be in bed right now?"

She smiled a bit at his tone and he shrugged. "None of us _really_  want to be here. 'Cept for Devin."

The greying-but-definitely-not-old man chuckled and shook his head. "Let's not speak for other people, Eric. How about we pick up where we left off?" He motioned at the valley-girl looking member of the group who had been speaking before Kelly walked in, and for the rest of the afternoon, Kelly was silent, listening to the others speak.

All in all, it wasn't as bad as Kelly had expected. She had thought it would be boring as heck, but it turns out that the other people in the group actually seemed to get it. She hated to admit it, but her mother may have been right... Having other people who got it made her feel a bit better... At least now. She stepped out of the grey building and closed her coat tightly, realizing that it had gotten colder since she had walked in and was about to walk away when she heard a voice behind her, "Hey!"

She turned to see Eric, the frail-looking guy from before stepping out of the building. "Do you need a ride?"

Kelly shook her head, "No, it's okay." If she was going to get in the car, there was going to be awkward silences, which she HATED with a passion. "I took the bus, I'll take it back."

"Oh." He shifted awkwardly. "Okay then." He swallowed. "It was nice to meet you, Karen."

"Kelly."

"Oh." He flushed. "I'm sorry, I'm fuc- I'm awful with names. I'm sorry."

She smiled, knowing exactly how he was feeling. "It's okay. Remind me your name? I'm awful too." She wasn't, really. She could remember every single one of the groups names too, but she didn't want him to feel like he was a freak, which was how she would feel if she called someone by the wrong name.

"Eric." He stuck his hands in his pockets. "I'll see you again next week?"

She rolled her eyes. "So long as my mom threatens to change the combination to our front door, yeah."

He smiled. "At one point, you're not going to need the push of that."

"Yeah, and at one point I'm not going to care about what other people think."

"Oh!" His eyes widened. "I'm sorry... I didn't-"

She shook her head and held out a hand. "No, I didn't mean you." She smirked. "I meant overall. Kinda like 'When pigs fly'? I don't think it's going to happen, is all."

He smiled. "Ah. I-" He cleared his throat. "I'm going to go."

She nodded. "It was nice to meet you, Eric."

"You too, Kelly."

On the bus home, she thought over the conversation, and realized that she may or may not have just made a friend... The first time that had happened since High School, which would definitely make her mother happy. Which was why she explicitly _didn't_  mention it when her mother let her back into the house. Her mother asked her to eat dinner with the family, but Kelly groaned and argued that she went out to the stupid group, so she thought she ought to be exempt from more socializing that day, to which her mother miraculously agreed, so she ate her dinner alone once the kitchen had cleared out.

All in all, not a terrible day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this magically happened!
> 
> I ought to mention that this was first blueinkedbones' idea, and I'm just sort of... taking it and making it my own.
> 
> I'm going to try and update it periodically, but I can't promise that my writing muse will stick with me.
> 
> ((Edit: Proofreading was done by FRIEND))
> 
> ((FRIEND, you know who you are, and thank you.))


	2. So, Urges Aren't Fun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly deals with urges by going to buy cigarettes with Eric. A DC villain makes an appearance.

Three months later found Kelly curled up in a ball in the corner of her room opposite her bed, with her headphones plugged into her ears. She had the typical emo shit playing, because - shocker - it actually helped. It had started at 10 pm that night. No, scratch that. It had started at 11 am that morning, when she woke up. She had felt overall okay, but there was a nagging feeling as she lay in bed, not getting up. She didn't typically get out of bed before noon anyway, so she just lay there, dealing with the feeling. She knew what the feeling meant. It was how she always felt before a "funk" started. There was no reason or rhyme to it, but it was always there... This nagging feeling in her chest that she was  _going_  to be depressed. And  _soon_. She went about her day as normal, doing nothing in particular, and then 10 pm hit. At 10 pm she went to make herself supper. Pretty normal and all, except making supper constituted using  _knives_.

Which was fine.

Except it wasn't.

She finished making her salad and found herself still holding the knife tightly, a small voice in her head telling her to  _putitonyourarm_. 

She  _knew_  what was going to happen after, and Lord  _knows_  she wasn't looking forward to it. And so it was, forty-five minutes later. She was still 5 months cut-free, but  _definitely_  not happy. 

She needed to scream. 

Or throw something.

Or  _CUT HERSELF_.

Honestly, what was it that was stopping her? She  _needed_  it. And it wasn't like she was hurting anyone.

She sang along with the music in silence, only moving her lips but not letting any sound come out, because her parents were fast asleep, and she couldn't wake them. Instead, she pulled out her phone and texted Eric.

God please help me -KM

It took a few moments, but she soon felt her phone vibrate.

What is it? -ES  
Are you okay? -ES  
What's going on? -ES

She smiled at his concern, and tapped out a quick reply.

Urges, man. Fucking urges. -KM

She bounced her legs anxiously and waited for an answer. 

Oh, God. I'm sorry :( -ES

Music? -ES

She nodded.

Already on full blast -KM  
I think I may be making myself deaf -KM

Haha - ES  
Well, I'd want to be deaf right now -ES

Parents? -KM

Eric's parents were going through a rough time. Well actually, they were going through a rough life. Apparently there was hardly a night that they didn't make a whole lot of noise. The only time it was definite that there was going to be a quiet night in the Stainbrook house was when either one of the parents were on what Eric liked to call a "never coming home vacation". What would happen in those cases was one or the other parent would pack a bag and leave, presumably forever. However, they would be back two days later, predictably, with a gift for their spouse and a promise to be better in the future. Yeah, Kelly was glad her parents at least pretended to be happy around her... Eric didn't have it that easy.

Yup -ES

I'm sorry -KM  
Music? -KM

Sister stole my headphones -ES

Shit, sorry -KM  
Maybe buy a spare? -KM

Yeah, except that doesn't help me now, does it? -ES

Too true -KM

Kelly took a deep breath and scratched at her upper thigh through her leggings,  _needing_  the release, and rocked back and forth, banging her back against the wall. She  _needed_  something, and she WASN'T going to let that something be cutting. She'd gone this long without it, and she wasn't going to slip up now.

I'm going out for some air -KM  
Maybe a cigarette -KM

She pushed herself off the floor and increased the volume on her iPod, shutting up the voice in her head, and headed downstairs to the closet to pull on her coat. She looked down at her phone to see that she had a text. Weird. She hadn't felt it vibrate. 

You don't smoke! -ES

She smiled as she headed out the front door, closing it behind herself softly, so as not to wake anyone. 

Yeah, I know... But I guess there's not a better time to start? -KM

You're kidding, right? -ES

No. -KM  
I mean, it's either try a cigarette or cut myself. -KM  
Both could kill me, but one'll take longer, no? -KM

She walked two blocks before she felt her phone vibrate again. 

Good point -ES  
Would you like some company? -ES  
I could definitely use to buy spare headphones now anyway. -ES

She huffed and texted him back with half frozen fingers ( _damned touch screens_!).

So long as you don't try and make me smile, I'd love some company, yeah. -KM

I'll try and sneak out -ES

She smiled slightly as she paced by the bus stop.

I'm waiting for you by the bus stop near my house. If the bus gets here before you, I'm taking it. -KM

She tucked her phone into her pocket, and balled her hands into fists against the cold. _Lord_  she felt like an idiot for walking out tonight. It was a while before Eric pulled up in his old Mercury, but he _did_  end up getting there before the bus. 

She yanked out her headphones as she pulled the door open, shoving her hands at the heater. "GOD, I'm freezing!"

He chuckled. "Yeah, it tends to get cold at midnight in the middle of winter, Kel." 

She shoved his shoulder. "Stop with the sarcasm and drive." 

He pulled out of the bus stop. "Where to?" 

"Well, I still  _do_  want to try a cigarette... Where's the closest 24 hour pharmacy?" 

He thought for a minute before answering, "I honestly don't know." He drove in silence for a bit. "I guess we'll just go into the first one we see?" 

She nodded and fiddled with the radio. "What the  _fuck_  is up with your presets, Eric?" 

"What?" 

"Are you, like, an 80 year old grandma?" 

He shrugged. "I don't do presets. I just know my good stations, and I find them on my own." 

She shook her head disappointedly. "Okay, tell me your stations, and I'll set them for you." 

After twenty minutes of driving, fifteen of them spent bickering over which station was better, he pulled into a CVS parking lot. Kelly stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind herself, looking at Eric over the hood of the car. "Thank you for the distraction." 

He smiled as he tucked his hands into his pockets and ducked his head slightly. "Thank you too." 

She tilted her head quizzically as they headed into the pharmacy, and he continued, "Without you, I wouldn't have had a reason to sneak out." 

She smiled slightly and headed over to the counter. "Can I have a pack of cigarettes, please?" She pulled out her license to show that she was over 18, but the guy behind the counter didn't ask her for it, nor did he ask her what company she wanted. He merely looked at them with wide eyes and when he spoke his voice was shaky. "We're fresh out of that, sorry." 

"You're fresh out of...  _cigarettes_?" Eric motioned to the racks behind the cashier that was full of cigarette packs. 

"Yeah, we're out. Sorry." His voice trembled. "You should probably try the next pharmacy over." 

Kelly squinted at him, noticing that he was sweating a  _lot_. "You're not okay, are you?"

He shook his head slightly, "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Do you need me to call my mom?" Kelly hoped that her code for police was obvious enough. If there was someone nearby, asking if she should call the cops was  _definitely_  not smart and could end up with the three of them all very much deaded. While the prospect was intriguing, she would have liked some more notice on the matter.

"Yeah, I'd like that." The guy smiled, obviously forcibly. "Just go and call her, please." 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Eric asked in her ear, "This guy is  _obviously_  messed up... And that's coming from me." 

"Just roll with it." She muttered back at him, turning away from the cashier. "I'll get my cigarettes somewhere else, thanks."

She grabbed for Eric's hand, pulling him along after her. Halfway back to the automatic doors, she felt someone grab her free hand and yank her back. She squeaked a bit and found herself face to face with a manically grinning man. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realized that he was shirtless. And pantsless. He was wearing underwear, so that was good. What wasn't good, however, was that he was covered in scars. Much like the long-healed scars she had on her thighs, these were long and pink, all straight lines. They were unlike her scars, however, in how they were all over his body, and they were  _tally marks_. 

"Hello there, sweetheart." 

Oh Lordie, this wasn't going to be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proofreading done yet again by FRIEND. 
> 
> Thank you!


	3. Mr Zsasz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Zsasz has a little fun with three zombies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I thought that Batman was going to show up in this chapter, but apparently not. 
> 
> He'll probably show his cowl in the next one.

"Oh God oh God oh God oh God." Kelly heard Eric muttering behind her as the madman holding her lifted a knife - _oh fuck he had a knife_  - to poke at her cheek. 

"You'd make a _really_  beautiful zombie, do you know that?" The man's eyes flashed. "Not that you're not beautiful now, of course... But you're just..." He leaned in to sniff at her hair. "Alive." 

Kelly swallowed and did her best not to shake as the man looked her up and down and he ran the knife over her skin to get to her neck. "Oh-" 

He squeezed her arm tightly as she exhaled. "No screaming, pretty girl." He glanced up at Eric. "That goes for you too, pretty boy."

Eric nodded quickly, his eyes wide, and pursed his lips, little moans coming out every once in a while.

Kelly's eyes slid to the cashier, and he looked at her pleadingly, a silent apology written on his face. God, he must feel like it was his fault they were caught. That they were going to die. Oh God, they were going to die.

The man turned so he was facing the cashier and yanked Kelly after him. "Don't get any ideas, pretty boy!" He called at Eric as he flung Kelly against the counter. "Strip down." He shook his head. "I don't like my zombies to be in fake skin." He turned to Eric. "You too," he smiled. "I prefer girls, to be honest, but you're small enough." His eyes glinted as he stepped towards him. "Take off that stupid coat and get down to your undies." 

Kelly fumbled with her coat, her hands shaking too much to work quickly. The man rolled his eyes and jabbed the knife towards her. "FASTER!" He growled and then spun on Eric. "You-" He motioned with the knife, "Help her." 

Eric nodded quickly and kept his mouth shut tightly as he stepped around the man, keeping as much distance as he could between them. But the man stepped towards him quickly, sniffing at him, and Eric looked like he was about to faint. 

Kelly hugged him tightly as he reached her, feeling him shake. Or was that her? She couldn't tell.

"I didn't tell you to  _hug_ , zombies, I told you to _strip_!" 

Kelly nodded wordlessly and took a deep breath, letting Eric help her take off her coat. She pulled her t-shirt off and he pulled his jacket off, getting his hand stuck on the way out of the arm. "Fuck!" He shouted, and the man stepped forward.

"Language, pretty boy... You wouldn't want me to tickle your tongue with my friend here, would you?" He ran his tongue over the top of the knife.

Eric moaned and shook his head, leaning back against the counter for support.

"Well? I can't hear you!"

He shook his head quickly. "No."

There was a sudden beeping coming from the area behind the counter and the man nimbly hopped up on the counter next to Kelly. She closed her eyes tightly as she started fumbling with her pants.

"Are you-" The man's voice was sandy, "You're a _bad_  zombie!" Kelly swallowed as she heard him step down on the other side of the counter and she felt Eric take her hand. There was a sound of a small struggle and a scraping sound before she heard the cashier spluttering and groaning. Oh Lord, he sounded like he was in _pain_. She squeezed her eyes tightly and pulled at Eric's hand, needing him but too afraid to hug him. There was a wet sound and a thump as the cashier's body hit the floor.

"Well." There was a small sound of scrabbling as the man climbed back over the counter and stepped in front of the two of them. "It's just the three of us now." Kelly heard his breathing get close to her ear and she felt something cold wedge its way between her and Eric's hands and she quickly let go. "Open your eyes, pretty girl."

She took a deep breath and complied, looking straight into his eyes as he was crouched over a bit. "Do you want to see what his punishment for calling your mommy was?"

Oh Lord. Oh _fuck_. He knew she was going to call the police. If she hadn't said anything, maybe they could have gotten away. She shook her head slightly.

"Wrong answer, sweetheart." He grabbed her bare shoulders and spun her around. Kelly felt a sudden nausea as she saw the cashier lying slumped against the racks of cigarettes, his throat slit and blood still pouring out of the hole. There was a dark puddle of blood forming around the body. The man's eyes were wide open and there was an expression of fear stuck on his face. "It's a shame he had to be all covered in clothes, but we'll fix it with the two of you."

Kelly moaned and quickly covered her mouth to keep it in. She felt like she could barely hold herself up, her legs weak. The man let go of her shoulder and stepped away, and Kelly hoped beyond hope that the cashier had gotten through to the police.

Eric had finished stripping down while the man had been talking to Kelly, and he was shivering even though it was well heated in the store. "Ke-Kelly..."

The man's eyes flashed. "Honestly, I'm going to cut your tongue out if you don't shut up."

Eric nodded and closed his mouth quickly, and Kelly finished stripping down. The man looked them both up and down, smirking as he saw the scars on her thigh. "So... We're the same then?"

She swallowed and stared at him in silence.

"Why do you do it?" He smiled at her silence and stepped up next to her, sniffing at her hair again. "Answer me, pretty girl."

"I..." She felt dizzy. "I don't know."

He raised his eyebrows. "Well that's boring!" He shook his head. "You must have a _reason_!" He smiled and gestured at his tally marks as he continued, "Myself, for example... I make one for each zombie I make." He grinned as he set the knife on his stomach, drawing it down slowly. "This one is that bad zombie who decided your mommy wanted a phone call." He made two light marks next to the fresh cut. "And these will be for you two."

"Oh Lord..." Eric moaned.

"I SAID SHUT UP!" The man stepped forward and lift the knife to Eric's mouth, pressing it against his lips. "Open." His eyes glinted.

"Oh God, please..." Kelly whispered, "Just please don't."

He turned to face her. "Not you, _too_!" He groaned, "I _hate_  mouthy zombies."

Kelly took a deep breath and forced her voice to be steady, which - incredibly - actually worked. "I _swear_  we'll both be quiet. Just don't... Don't do anything to him."

He drew back slightly, looking at her curiously and cocking his head. "You're strange." He said simply as he played with his knife, "You _do_ know you're going to be dead in two hours anyway, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm not stupid." She heard Eric moan next to her. "Well, actually I am, but that's not the point." She felt a rush of adrenaline as she continued speaking, trying to stall him until the police came - if they were coming, that is. "I know you're going to kill us, and frankly I don't-" She took a breath. "I don't really mind, seeing as I've wanted to die for a while already."

He smiled at her. "You're the _first_  one of my zombies to actually _admit_  that, you know?"

She tilted her head, trying to keep him talking.

"None of them ever admit to wanting to die."

Kelly nodded and felt Eric reach for her hand but she drew it away, not wanting to get the madman angry. "Most people don't know that they want to die."

He nodded vigorously. "EXACTLY!" He shouted, "I'm just _helping_  them!"

She swallowed and was suddenly conscious of a slight pattern of red and blue lights reflecting on the walls behind him. She praised whatever God she didn't believe in and hoped the man wouldn't notice the lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay can I just say how FREAKED OUT I got at Zsasz here? 
> 
> *hides in a corner* 
> 
> He's creepy, okay?
> 
> ((Thanks to FRIEND for proofreading again. I seem to have a thing about commas hehe))


	4. Sometimes the Police Aren't Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zsasz gets angry at the police and someone else intervenes in the shadows. Kelly doesn't see who it was. (spoiler: it was Batman)

Kelly clenched her fists tightly, trying to keep from shaking. "Eric and I... We're both-" She took a shaky breath and continued, "We both want to die. Depression and all that." She felt hot all of a sudden, and she figured it was the adrenaline pumping through her system. "Granted..." She tried to smile at the madman, though at her level of nerves, it may have looked like a grimace almost like his manic grin. "Granted, we didn't _plan_ on dying tonight, we're not- not going to lie and say we don't want to die."

She saw Eric shaking his head from the corner of her eye and continued, "Though Eric isn't really processing this-"

The man giggled. "No, he isn't is he?"

"He's a little scared. As one would expect, for a severely depressed person, he has a really bad coping mechanism." She tilted her head, feeling more comfortable, for some reason. "So do I, so I don't exactly know why I'm able to be coherent."

"Ke-Kel... Just stop..."

She turned to face Eric. "I'm not stopping, Eric. This is-"

"SHUT UP!"

Oh great. That was the wrong thing to do. Oh God they were going to die now.

The man's eyes glinted as he stepped forward. "You pretties are going to move to the back of the store." He scratched his forehead with the knife. "We have company, and I'm liking this conversation."

Oh. Okay then.

That was...

A development.

He knew about the what had happened, then. He knew the cops were outside, which Kelly guessed she should have figured. Wishful thinking, she supposed.

The man turned around to glance around the room - probably to ascertain his options of location - and Kelly knelt down quickly to her jacket pocket to pull out her phone. She wasn't going to go out without a proper note. Eric hissed at her to stand up just in time, and she shoved it into her bra - thankfully it was a padded one, so the bulge of her phone didn't show much - before the man turned back around to look at them.

"Come on, sweethearts." He motioned with the knife for the two of them to step past him and to the back of the store.

"Can I-" Kelly's voice shook more than she meant for it too and she quickly cleared her throat. "Can I please hold his hand?"

"Hold his-" The man's eyes glinted. "Why?"

She swallowed. "I'm afraid."

"You _just_  said you want to die!"

"Yeah, but... I'm not... I didn't plan for it to be tonight."

He stared at her.

"I didn't plan for it tonight, so my body still thinks it should live."

The man rolled his eyes, " _Fine_. But only because you're the first interesting zombie. And only until you get to the back." He motioned again. "NOW GO!"

Kelly grabbed Eric's hand and clenched it tightly, trying to give him some of her unexpected strength, and started walking, leading the other past the man with the knife. Once they were past him, she leaned against Eric momentarily, giving him a mock hug of just touching shoulders. "We're going to get out of this..." She whispered, and saw him nod slightly, his lips white.

They walked in silence to the back, the madman walking just a few paces behind them, and at one point he thought it was going to be funny to poke Eric in the back with the knife, which produced a whimper from the boy. Kelly merely squeezed his hand tightly.

After what felt like an eternity of walking, they got to the back of the pharmacy and turned around to face the man.

"Now. Let go."

Kelly felt Eric's grip loosen reluctantly, and thanked him silently for starting to react.

"Keep talking, pretty girl. Tell me about yourself. When did you plan for it?"

Kelly swallowed roughly. "I... I tried a few times, actually. But my body wasn't ready then either."

" _Oooooooh_ ," the man grinned and leaned in, sniffing at her."Tell me."

Oh Lord oh Lord she felt him rub up against her and he was _erect_ oh God.

"I..." She looked at Eric and saw he was staring at the man with a suddenly _angry_  expression, and all of a sudden she found herself hoping he didn't decide that now was his time to die. "I tried first 5 months ago."

The man leaned in against her and started playing with her hair, pulling it up to his nose. Kelly shuddered unconsciously and hoped he wouldn't get angry, but he seemed too engrossed in her scent to have noticed.

"I used pills, but I didn't know which ones to use." Her voice shook. "So I ended up waking up around 10 hours later with what felt like a major hangover, but that was it."

The man slipped around her to be closer to Eric, turning to face him. "How about you, pretty boy? Did you try?"

Eric nodded. "I did." His voice was steady, remarkably. Or at least, steadier than Kelly felt her own was.

"Well?"

He wordlessly lifted up his arms to show the scars on his forearms.

" _Ooooooh_  I like this!" The man giggled and stepped closer to Eric to run his knife against the slightly raised skin. " _This_  is how it should be done, pretty girl," he looked at Kelly pointedly. "With a blade." He shook his head in disappointment. "Pills don't make zombies."

Kelly bit back a retort about how she didn't want the person who found her to have had to deal with all the blood, and instead nodded.

"VICTOR ZSASZ. WE HAVE THE STORE SURROUNDED. RELEASE YOUR HOSTAGES."

The man spun around to glare at the front of the store, and muttered under his breath, "Not hostages... _Zombies_." He smiled. "And _willing_  zombies."

He turned and grabbed Eric's wrist. "You're coming with me." He pulled him forward and spun him around so he was in front of him, and placed the knife at his neck. "Don't squirm, pretty zombie... Or you're gonna be a zombie before we get to talk about all the happy things." He started walking forward to the front of the store, obviously using the boy as a human shield.

"If you try _anything_ , pretty girl, I'm going to cut out his tongue just for you."

Kelly nodded at him even though his back was turned.

Once Zsasz was out of earshot, she quickly pulled her phone out of her bra and started up a voicenote, whispering into it as she let herself slide to the floor.

"Hi... So." She cleared her throat as quietly as she could. "I... My name is Kelly Mauer. I'm 21 years old and I'm depressed and suicidal. Funnily enough, the other times I did something like this it was because I was going to do this to myself, but right now I'm not in control. Okay... I don't have much time-"

She heard muffled shouting coming from the front of the store. It sounded like Zsasz was trying to negotiate 5 police officers for Eric, which wasn't happening.

"I don't have much time, because he's-" She laughed out of fear, "He's going to come back and kill me soon. I just... I wanted to let you know that I'm not... I'm fine with it. Obviously I'm scared, but that's becau-"

She cut off as she heard the shouting get frantic and fumbling coming towards her. She quickly stumbled back to her feet and shoved her phone into a nearby shelf, covering it with various products nearby. She spun around and hoped she didn't look like she had just done something, and immediately had the wind blown out of her with Eric getting shoved at her.

"STUPID!" The man - Zsasz, apparently - had a crazed look on his face. Well, more crazed than before. "STUPID!!!" He rubbed at his bald head frantically as he shouted, "THEY'RE ALL STUPID!"

Kelly quickly looked down at Eric to make sure he was okay - he was - and then looked back at Zsasz, deciding that stalling more was a good idea. "Can I-" Her voice cracked, "Can I ask who's stupid?"

"THE STUPID PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH THEIR MEGAPHONES!" He shouted. "They don't _see_  that you're walking zombies anyway, but they STILL aren't trading!" He shook his head in such a way that Kelly was almost afraid of him inuring himself.

Kelly just stood there in silence, not knowing what to say... How to stall.

After a few moments, however, the lights flicked off. "Oh-" Kelly acted without thinking and yanked Eric down as she sprinted to another aisle, hoping Zsasz wouldn't be able to hear them to follow. "Oh God..." She whispered.

You know what's better than being stuck in an empty 24 hour pharmacy with a lunatic at 1 am? Being stuck in an empty 24 hour pharmacy with a lunatic at 1 am with the lights off. Perfect.

She leaned back against one of the racks, and felt Eric shaking against her. "Don't. Make. A sound." She whispered. "Just don't."

He gripped her hand tightly and they sat there with bated breath, listening for Zsasz. After a few minutes, there was a crash from further up in the store, and a bit of a whoosh. There were dull thuds - bone and skin - and grunting. Eric pulled her into a hug and they sat there, rocking slightly.

After some minutes of these sounds going on, along with a few shouts, there was one big thump and the sounds of things falling of a shelf. Then silence. They still sat there, though. After another few minutes of silence, the lights came back on and

Kelly was blinded by the sudden brightness. While her eyes adjusted, she was suddenly aware that there were people around them. Oh God, Zsasz-

But they weren't Zsasz or accomplices. They were police officers, helping them up.

As soon as she realized that they were safe, Kelly felt an intense wave of nausea and pushed away from the officer helping her walk to vomit. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and let herself be led out of the pharmacy and to an ambulance, where they wrapped her in a shock blanket.

Oh God, it was done.

They were safe.

Once they were dressed and checked over to make sure they were okay - and of course the EMTs asked about her scars - she asked to go back into the store. She said it was to confront the issues that she was going to have to deal with in terms of trauma, but in reality she wanted her phone. She didn't want the police to confiscate it.

When the officer who escorted her into the pharmacy turned, she quickly fumbled on the shelf she had left it on and retrieved her phone, sticking it - once again - in her bra.

She turned to the officer and asked to be brought home. She had no idea how she was going to explain this to her parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I promised Batman for this chapter, and he /was/ there... You just... didn't see him. 
> 
> Don't worry, it will all be made clear in time.


	5. Nightmares and Bad Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly and Eric deal with their shared trauma a week later.

Please come by -ES  
Please -ES

Kelly woke up at 2 am to two texts from Eric and sat up quickly.

Nightmare? -KM

Please come -ES

She was having an easier time than Eric, but he had barely been able to sleep since the experience in the pharmacy a week before. She pulled on a baggy sweater on top of her pajama top and sneaked downstairs, picking up her mother's car keys off the hook and head outside quickly, shutting the door behind herself slowly.

I'm on my way -KM  
Is your door open? -KM

No. Tge key si under th emat -ES

Just breath, Eric -KM

Kelly took a deep breath as she started the car up and tucked her phone into the coffee cup holder in the armrest. She sped over to Eric's house and blocked his driveway, hurrying out and unlocking the door as quietly as she could. She took the stairs two at a time and pushed Eric's door open.

"Ke-Ke-Kel-" He was hyperventilating, a horrified expression on his face. 

She crossed the room to his bed and sat down next to him, grabbing his face and holding it tightly. "Deep breath in, idiot. Or I'm going to have to leave the room to get you a paper bag." 

"No!" He whispered and grabbed her hands with his, his eyes wide. "N-No, don't leave- Please." 

She swallowed. "I'm not going to leave, but if you don't stop breathing normally..." 

"Ca-can't." He gasped.

"Just try." She nodded. "Follow me, okay? In..." She inhaled, "And out..." She did as she said, and he tried to imitate her, gasping still. "Again. In... and out..." 

She sat on his bed and continued that until his breathing normalized and they wound up hugging as he shook. After a few minutes of just breathing in silence, he pulled away. "Thank you, Kel."

She smiled sadly. "We gotta stick together, don't we?" 

He nodded. "Yeah..." He threw himself back on his bed and lay for a bit. "I can't do this anymore, Kel." 

She shifted and played with the frayed threads that came off of her sweater. "I know what you mean..." She frowned. "I do, Eric..." She looked at him. "Sparrow's Nest tomorrow. Do you think we should-"

"I can't!" His eyes flashed. "I can't. Please, Kelly, don't make me." 

She leaned over and hugged him tightly. "I'm not going to make you, Eric. I'm just saying... We need it, now more than ever."

She pulled away to sit up again. "I'm going to go. If you want, I can call you and put you on speaker? You don't have to say anything... Just to know that there are people to listen, you know?" 

He nodded rapidly. "I know... I know, I just-" He hummed nervously. "The... The knife, Kel." 

She grabbed for his hand and squeezed it tightly. "I know, I know." She nodded. "I _do_ , Eric." 

"I know you do..." He squeezed back. "But you didn't have it on your throat." His voice cracked.

"Oh God, Eric..." She whispered. "I..."

He shook his head. "I can't help it... I just- I feel it." He raised his hand to his neck to touch his neck, making a line. "I still feel it. Right here." 

She swallowed roughly and squeezed his hand again, sitting in silence for a bit, feeling her eyes close from exhaustion after a while.

"I'm going to have to go home before it's light... My parents will freak if I'm not in bed when they get up." 

He nodded and sat up to hug her tightly and whispered when he let go, "I'll try and come tomorrow... If I don't-" He swallowed. "Call me." 

She nodded and stood up. "Night, Eric." 

"G'night, Kelly. Thanks for coming." 

She smiled as she stepped lightly out of his room. "I'm just glad you're okay." 

He nodded and lay back, pulling his cover over himself.

* * *

Kelly got back home at around 3:30 and hurried back to her room as quickly as she could, grateful for the safety it provided. She was proud of herself that she was able to get out to help Eric, but she had found that as long as someone else was depending on her, she was able to do most things. She pulled her sweater off and slipped back under her covers, attempting to fall back asleep. The Sparrows Nest meeting was going to be in over 12 hours - at 5 pm - and she didn't have anything else to do that day. 

After 20 minutes of trying to fall back asleep to no avail, she sat up and pulled her phone out and flipped through it for distractions, but nothing was interesting enough. Eventually, she found her way to her voice notes. 

"Oh..." She exhaled. Her note. Her goodbye note that she had recorded when she thought Zsasz was going to kill them. 

She sat there for a bit, staring at the timestamp absently, before she fumbled on her nightstand for her headphones, plugging them in and playing the message back.

There was a bit of silence before she heard her voice start speaking. 

"Hi... So." Oh Lord, she sounded so scared. "I... My name is Kelly Mauer. I'm 21 years old and I'm depressed and suicidal. Funnily enough, the other times I did something like this it was because I was going to do this to myself, but right now I'm not in control. Okay... I don't have much time-"

Kelly suddenly realized that she was shaking. Her the hand that was holding the phone was shaking so hard that she couldn't see the words on the screen properly. 

"I don't have much time, because he's-" Her voice cut off to laugh and Kelly rubbed her forehead to wipe the cold sweat away, her heart racing. 

"He's going to come back and kill me soon. I just... I wanted to let you know that I'm not... I'm fine with it. Obviously I'm scared, but that's becau-"

She cut off and there was a shouting that got progressively louder, and there was a sound of shifting plastic that jarred her ears because it was so loud. 

" _Uuuhnf_!" She heard herself grunt.

"STUPID!" Kelly gasped as she heard Zsasz's voice. Oh fuck.

She yanked the earbuds out of her ears and ran her hands over her face, and suddenly realized that she had been crying. 

"Oh my God..." She gasped, trying to get herself under control. She threw her phone across the room and wrapped herself in a cocoon of her covers, trying to get herself to stop shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Batman is going to be having another semi-cameo, I promise XD
> 
> Also, this is usually the point where my muse would desert me in a long fic, so this is good. The fact that I'm still writing is a really really really good sign.
> 
> (the fact that I promised I wouldn't kill myself before I finish this may be helping)


	6. Sparrow's Nest Redux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly attends Sparrow's Nest and coffee spilling ensues. Which causes future coffee drinking.

Kelly stepped into the grey building at 4:45 PM later that day. She hadn't slept at all since she got home from helping Eric out, and while she didn't want to get out of the house, she forced herself, and got there early because she figured it would take her more time to get out. So there she was, heading to room 308, already used to the hallways. She got a concerned look from frizzy-haired Alicia - of course... Her name had probably been on the news, along with Eric's - and pursed her lips as she passed her. Kelly stepped over to the coffee table and made herself an extra strong one - three scoops - and was stirring some milk in when she heard someone behind her.

"It's the first time you're early."

Kelly squeaked out in surprise and immediately turned and threw the cup of coffee in her "accoster's" face. 

"OH MY GOD!"

Oops.

Thankfully Kelly had been generous with the milk, so the coffee wasn't hot, but the other girl was looking anything but happy with her wet hair and clothes. 

"What the HELL?!" She wiped at her eyes.

"Oh God. Oh fuck, I'm so sorry..." Kelly dropped the empty cup and grabbed for a pile of napkins from the table. "I'm sorry, I'm just jumpy, you know?" She handed some of the napkins to the girl.

The girl just stood there with the napkins for a while and then rolled her eyes. "It's okay, I should have known better, I guess." She started wiping her shirt, and then quickly gave up on that to twist her hair into a messy bun. "I saw you and Eric on the news." 

Once the girl drew her hair back, Kelly recognized her immediately. Her name was Tamera and she had been the girl who was in middle of speaking when Kelly first started Sparrow's Nest. Initially, she had thought the girl would be annoying, what with her primarily pink wardrobe and obviously bleached blonde hair, but over the months of attending therapy together, she grew to... not mind her. 

"Yeah, I..." Kelly sighed. "It was..." She shook her head, not wanting to talk about it, instead choosing to start making herself another coffee. 

"It's okay. I know how you feel." Tamera spoke softly as she wadded some wet napkins to toss into the garbage, picking up a few new ones to dab at her skirt. "I may not have had a known madman try and kill me..." 

Kelly grit her teeth as Tamera continued talking. She had been starting to like her despite her appearance, but this conversation wasn't helping. 

"-But I know what it's like to go through an ordeal." 

Kelly furrowed her brown and mentally went through the group therapy sessions to pick out what Tamera must have been talking about. 

"No..." Tamera said softly, "I didn't share it with the group." She smiled slightly. "I don't share it with many people. Just my private therapist, actually." 

Kelly turned to her. "Why are you telling me, then?" 

"Well, I'm not, am I?" Tamera threw out the napkins and gave up on saving her outfit. "I will though, if you offer to buy me a proper cup of coffee to make up for the one you threw in my face."

Kelly stared at Tamera wordlessly for a moment. "Are you... asking me out?" 

Tamera smirked. "Would you like me to?" She turned and head into the meeting room, and Kelly gaped after her for a few moments before she returned to making herself the coffee. 

What on _earth_  had just happened?

* * *

"Kelly, perhaps you would like to start today?" Devin looked at her expectantly. "I saw what happened on the news." His voice was soft, "You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready." 

Kelly had been replaying the conversation with Tamera in her mind and she jumped up as the group leader spoke to her, nearly spilling her coffee again - an action that drew a small snicker from Tamera. 

"Wha-?" She blinked a bit. "Oh, um... Can I just..." She reached into her coat pocket and pulled out her phone, fumbling with it a bit. "I promised I'd call-"

She was interrupted by a small knock on the door and looked up to see Eric standing there. "-Eric!" She smiled and stood up quickly, setting her coffee down before hurrying over to him. "You came." 

He nodded and gripped her hand tightly. "I figured you're right and I needed the group." She smiled and kissed his temple - a positive of being roughly the same height - and walked back to the group with him, letting go as they got to the circle. He sat in his chair directly opposite hers, and she leaned down to pick her coffee up. 

"Well." Devin smiled. "Now that we're all here..." He gestured to the two of them, "Do you want to start?" 

Erik shook his head, his lips white. "I don't-" His eyes were wide. "I can't." 

Kelly looked at him, her eyes soft. "I don't think I can either... Not yet." 

Devin nodded understandably and motioned at one of the other members, asking them if they would like to start. Through the group, Kelly and Eric sat in silence, soaking in the mere support of the group. When the hour was up, Kelly head over to the trash can to throw out her empty cup and Eric stepped up next to her, making himself known with a soft. "Hey." 

She turned quickly, still jumpy. "Oh!" She sighed. "I can't-"

He nodded. "Yeah." 

"Did you drive?" 

"No... I don't think I'm ready to get back behind the wheel yet... Even though it had nothing to do with the car... You know?" 

She nodded wordlessly and sighed. "I absolutely know." She paused. "Did you get any sleep after?" 

"Yeah, you?" 

"No... I couldn't-" She closed her eyes at the memory of Zsasz's voice through the earbuds. "I did something stupid." 

"Regular Kelly stupid, or extra stupid?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Extra stupid. When he..." She looked at him carefully, watching for a reaction. "When he took you, I recorded something on my phone. I was stupid and I started listening to it when I got home." 

Instead of looking like he'd seen a ghost, however, he looked half-annoyed, half-intrigued. "That _i_ _s_  stupid to listen to it." He swallowed. "Though... It would be interesting to listen to it once enough time had passed." He rubbed the back of his neck as they started out of the meeting room. "It could be therapeutic, I think. To see that he can't hurt us even though he still exists, you know?" 

She nodded. "I just can't deal to hear his voice yet." 

He shuddered, "Oh Lord don't..." 

She took his hand. "You're taking the bus home, then?" 

He nodded. "You?" 

"Same." Her eyes slid across the room to fall on Tamera, who watching them. "Oh! Um, actually, Eric, I'm not... I promised Tamera I'd buy her a coffee..." 

Eric looked across the room. "Oh." He looked at Kelly with a soft smile. "Well, I'm glad one of us is getting somewhere..." 

Kelly huffed. "He'll call you." 

"Kel, it's been two months. I need to get over him."

She nodded slightly. "I'm sorry." 

"It's okay." He smiled. "Enjoy your coffee. Text me after, okay?" 

She nodded and kissed his temple. "Get home safe." 

"You too." 

He smiled and kissed her temple back. "I'll do my best." He turned and head out of the main room, shooting Tamera a soft smile as he did.

Kelly head over to Tamera with a small smile, "Do you have a specific coffee place in mind?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY WHAT IS THIS MADNESS
> 
> I didn't think I was going to like Tamera, but she's growing on me... quite like she's growing on Kelly.


	7. Java and Bitter Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly and Tamera go out for coffee. Turns out they both like some guys.

Kelly and Tamera spent most of the bus ride (two stops) in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, though. They spoke a bit, but they weren't _talking_  endlessly, which Kelly liked. A lot. When they got off the bus, Tamera led her into a small store on the corner of a block, walking over to the counter quickly to hand her a menu. "They have a bit of a large selection." She smiled, pushing the menu over in Kelly's hands.

"Woah." Kelly's eyes widened. "That... That _is_  a lot of coffee."

Tamera giggled and pointed one out. "That one is my favorite."

Kelly looked at it. "Java-"

"Praline, yeah." Kelly motioned to the woman behind the counter. "I'll have a Java Praline and...?" She turned to Kelly.

"I..." Kelly felt a sudden rush of heat across her back. She didn't know what she wanted. "Just a coffee." She said tersely.

She flushed as Tamera gave her a soft look, ordering a plain coffee for her. "I don't do well under pressure."

The other girl raised her eyebrows. "That's not what it seemed."

"What?"

Tamera smiled. "I mean you did something amazing in that pharmacy. You know? Not everyone would have been able to have kept their cool like that."

Kelly felt her breathing get a bit more shallow.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry." Tamera's voice was soft. "I'm an idiot, I'm sorry."

Kelly shook her head quickly. "No, no, no... I'm fine."

Tamera rolled her eyes and led Kelly to a table. "No you're not." She spoke firmly, but her voice didn't lose the soft quality. "You're literally _grey_  right now."

Kelly lowered herself down into the chair and let her head fall to the table, leaning on her forearms. "I'm _fine_. I just need a minute."

Tamera sat down across from her and didn't say anything for a while. They sat in silence until Kelly picked her head up. "I'm sorry."

The other girl scoffed. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I was stupid enough to bring it up again. _Again_. It's not as if I didn't do it before! I just wanted this to go well. I wanted to make a good impression, so we could get along and maybe you wouldn't think I'm a creep if I wanted to ask you out for real, but now it's just... It's all going wrong."

Kelly stared at Tamera wordlessly. She was rambling. She was _flustered_.

"I'm sorry. I'm just-" Tamera was cut off by the barista calling their order, and she stood up quickly to retrieve it.

Kelly watched her pick up the coffees and walk back to the table, and when Tamera had sat down, she cleared her throat. "I... You _like_  me?"

Tamera flushed and slid the plain coffee over the table to Kelly. "I may or may not like you."

Kelly shifted in her chair. "That's not a proper answer."

"Well..." Tamera fiddled with her coffee. "I don't know if you like me, so I'm keeping my options open." She didn't meet Kelly's eyes. "If I don't commit to liking you, we could go away from this having just had a coffee together as friends."

Kelly took a sip from her coffee and held herself back from making a face at how awful it tasted. "I..." She pursed her lips briefly. "I don't think I want to go away from this as just friends."

Tamera looked up. "Really?"

Kelly nodded. "I think I'm starting to like you." She felt a rush of warmth, but unlike the rush she had felt earlier when she was pressed to order the coffee, this was a _good_  warmth. It was a _warm_  warmth.

"Oh God, you have no idea how nervous I was."

As Tamera leaned back in her chair, Kelly realized that she had been sitting tensely the whole time.

"You were nervous?" Kelly felt her stomach tighten and she took another sip of coffee, too distracted to remember how awful it had tasted. "Why on earth were you nervous?"

Tamera took a sip from her coffee, making an appreciative hum at the taste, and then looked up at the other girl. "I've had a crush on you since your first time in the group."

"Wait, what?" Kelly found herself speechless yet again, and fumbled for words as Tamera played with the cover on her coffee. "I... Why... How... _Why_  on earth would you have a crush on me?"

Tamera looked down at her coffee intensely, as if it held the answers to all the questions in the universe. "You're cute? I don't know... I just like you."

Kelly smiled and was about to take a sip from her coffee when she remembered the awful taste, and instead pushed it away.

"Do you..." Tamera looked up at Kelly, her voice slightly shaky. "Do you mind that I'm bi?" She flushed. "I mean, I know that some girls think that bisexuality is a fake sort of-"

"Are you kidding me?" Kelly laughed. " _I'm_  bi!"

Tamera tilted her head. "Wait, really?" She leaned forward. "I thought you were gay!"

Kelly shook her head. "No, honestly." She smiled. "I'm bi."

"But you never mentioned an ex-boyfriend or anything." Her tone was quizzical.

Kelly rolled her eyes. " _God_  don't tell me that you're one of those people who feels that sexuality is tied to experience." She groaned. "Just because I've never been with a guy doesn't mean I don't think they're insanely sexy. Well... some of them."

Tamera snorted. "Yeah, _some_."

Kelly rubbed her hands together under the table nervously. "So... do you want to go out for real sometime?"

Tamera smiled widely. "I would  _love_  to go out for real sometime."

Kelly grinned. "Okay then." She felt like she wanted to giggle. Which was absolutely crazy. Because the last time she giggled she had probably been 7 years old. And it was strange even then.

"You don't like the coffee?" Tamera asked.

Kelly had to take a moment to process what the other girl - the girl who had said that she wants to go out with her and oh God she was gorgeous and nice and sweet and hey wait a minute it was only two weeks ago that she could hardly stand her when did this giddy feeling start? - had said. "I... uh." She shook her head. "It's a bit too bitter for my taste."

Tamera reached over and pulled Kelly's still-practically-full coffee to herself to take a sip. "Oh... Uggghh!" She shuddered and turned quickly to put it on the table behind them. "That's _awful_."

Kelly smiled at the reaction. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Here-" Tamera slid her Java Praline across the table. "Try mine."

Kelly felt an inexplicable feeling of _something_  in her stomach and reached over to the coffee. _Oh damn, she had moved her hand away too quickly_. She took a sip and- oh got it tasted like a late night ride on a train when you were certain that you weren't in danger which is to say... perfect. "How...?"

Tamera smirked and grabbed the coffee away from Kelly, their fingers brushing this time, which sent a feeling much like an electric current running through Kelly's body. "I _know_." She exclaimed, taking a long sip before holding it back out to Kelly. "I'm going to get myself a new one. You finish this one."

Kelly smiled and reached out to take it, letting her fingers rest over Tamera's for a moment, and was amazed to see a small flush spreading on the other girl's cheeks.

"Ah- I..." Tamera stammered. "I'll be right back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey... Sorry about the delay. I had wanted to go and actually write this in a coffee shop for inspiration, but I didn't get a chance... And then I got a job, which is keeping me really really really busy. I honestly have no idea what the next chapter is going to be about haha... Just stay tuned. 
> 
> Hmmmm I'm getting some ideas as I'm typing. 
> 
> You know how you can plan out a whole story, but you just... don't know what's supposed to happen in the middle bits? That's where I'm at right now. 
> 
> Okay. So no promises, but I think there's going to be a itty bitty bit of a timeskip before the next chapter. Not /years/, but a couple of months. That's honestly all I can say for certain (and even that's tentative).


	8. Six Months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a while! Longer than it's been in-story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, no beta. So any mistakes are purely me.

Going to Sparrow’s nest had become a normal part of Kelly’s day.

As did forgetting to take her antidepressants.

She didn’t _forget_  to take them. It was just... they didn’t make her feel any different. So why bother put senseless chemicals in her body?

She dealt with it as she would.

She and Eric got even closer, but they hardly discussed that night.

And she and Tamera? Well, now she called her Tam. Or Tammy. Depending on what mood she was in.

Coffee was a regular thing. As was kissing. And staying the night in Tammy’s house.

Obviously she couldn’t bring Tammy over to her place, because her parents were still on her case. Tammy lived on her own, for the most part. She still lived in her parents’ house, but she didn’t live _with them_. She had the apartment below them.

Tammy _did_  make a few appearances in the Mauer household for dinner. Kelly’s parents wanted to meet her. So she brought her over.

Luckily, her father was in a good mood, so he _tried_  to make small talk.

He didn’t particularly like the fact that his daughter swung both ways (which was why their exploits were restricted to Tammy’s place).

As for her spending the night elsewhere?

Kelly’s parents were just glad she was out and about and not stuck in her bedroom all day. They didn’t ask many questions.

 

 

“Hey, babe?”

Kelly shifted a bit. “Hm?”

They were watching some old romance flick on Tammy’s laptop. It was the end of august, and it was starting to get cool again, so _snuggles_  were happening again. (Tammy’s apartment had awful ventilation, and the summer was hell for them. There were a lot of showers involved.).

“Did you get that video I sent you before?”

Kelly bit her lip. “Yeah, but I can’t open it. My phone is kinda full, and the video was almost 30 mb...”

Tammy shifted and paused the movie, pulling her phone out to show Kelly the video. “You need to delete some things, Kel. It is very integral to our relationship that I spam you with videos.”

Kelly grinned. “Is it?”

“It is.” Her eyes twinkled.

Kelly leaned in and kissed Tammy softly. “No talking during the movie.” She leaned over and unpaused it. “And no _phones_  either.” She teased, snatching Tammy’s phone away from her.

“Hey!”

Kelly laughed. “Hey yourself!”

Tammy reached for her phone before giving up and instead reaching into Kelly’s bra to snatch _her_  phone from its typical hiding spot. “No phone for you either, then.”

Kelly pouted at her girlfriend “Bitch.”

“Bitch yourself. You love it.”

“I do.”

“Prove it.”

Kelly leaned in and kissed her deeply, running her hands through Tammy’s long blonde hair. Finally, she pulled back. “You need a haircut, Tam.”

The other girl smiled. “I’ll get one when you get one.” She teased, running her fingers through Kelly’s short brown locks as she flicked her phone open. “Fuck, your phone really _is_ full.”

“I’m a data hoarder.”

“You should back it up and delete it off your phone.”

Kelly shrugged noncommittally as she looked back at the movie that was playing.

It was a few minutes before Tammy spoke again. “Hey.”

“Hm?”

“What’s this?”

Kelly shifted up to look at her phone in Tammy’s hands. “What’s what?”

“Why do you have a five hour voice note?”

Kelly frowned. “I...” She took the phone from Tammy and looked at it. It took her a moment to process the timestamp. “Oh. I.” She cleared her throat. “That was... That night. The drugstore?”

Tammy’s eyes widened. “Oh.” She bit her lip. “Sorry.”

“S’okay.” Kelly said softly. “I... I should.” She took a shaky breath. “Let’s just finish the movie. Then I’ll listen to it. It’s been long enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even remember how I formatted the text??
> 
> eeeps!
> 
> But yes. 
> 
> Hi
> 
> I live. 
> 
> I plan on doing regular updates now, barring unfortunate circumstances.


	9. Recording: 2/13/15 10:38PM Length 5:23:13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly and Tammy listen to the recording.

 "Hi... So." Kelly’s voice was barely recognizable. She sounded so hoarse. So scared. "I... My name is Kelly Mauer. I'm 21 years old and I'm depressed and suicidal. Funnily enough, the other times I did something like this it was because I was going to do this to myself, but right now I'm not in control. Okay... I don't have much time-"

There was shouting in the background.

"I don't have much time, because he's- He's going to come back and kill me soon. I just... I wanted to let you know that I'm not... I'm fine with it. Obviously I'm scared, but that's becau-"

She cut off here, and there was the loud sound of plastic moving around.

"STUPID! THEY’RE ALL STUPID!”

 “Can I- Can I ask who's stupid?"

"THE STUPID PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH THEIR MEGAPHONES! They don't  _see_  that you're walking zombies anyway, but they STILL aren't trading!”

There was a snap, and a brief period of silence. The lights had gone out. After some silence, there was grunting, and the sound of someone banging into shelves.

“Stay down, Zsasz.”

That was new.

“Get off me! I won’t go back there! You can’t make me!”

The sounds of struggle resumed, and with a final grunt, it sounded like Zsasz had been knocked out.

“Damnit.” There was a sigh. “Alfred?”

There was static, as if the voice was coming over a radio. “Master Bruce?”

“He sliced my cowl. The com link is broken. I’ll be home earlier than expected.” There was a sigh. “Take the spare cowl out of the case.”

“Of course sir. Do you need anything else?”

“Remind me to give my two cents to Jerimiah Arkham about his security.”

The person’s voice faded out as he seemed to get father from the phone, and after a bit, there was the sound of police rushing into the place.

* * *

 

“Wow.”

Kelly looked at Tammy. “What?”

“That was…” She shook her head. “Was that Batman?”

Kelly bit her lip. “I don’t know.” She whispered. “I… I didn’t hear that. That was… all new.”

“That was Batman.”

“Tammy, stop.” She said sternly. “We don’t know that.”

“Oh, really?” She set Kelly’s phone down. “Who else in Gotham wears a freaking _cowl_?”

Kelly bit her lip. “I.” She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Master Bruce…”

“Tammy.” She snapped. “Drop it. I listened to the clip. That’s it. I don’t need to go any further than that.”

The blonde leaned over and ran her hand over Kelly’s leg. “But don’t you _want_  to, Kel?”

Kelly sighed. “I… Maybe? I don’t know.”

Tammy smiled and pulled her phone out. “How about we google “Bruce and Alfred?”

“What?” Her eyes widened. “Why?”

Tammy snorted. “To figure out who Batman is, obviously.”

She shook her head. “Tam, we really shouldn’t pry…”

Tammy smirked and did the search.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that these last two chapters are so short. I'm only just getting back into the swing of things. Once action starts again, hopefully they'll be longer again.


	10. Trouble in Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tamera investigates. Kelly tags along to keep her in check. Things go exactly as she thought it would.

 

 

“I still don’t think this is a good idea.” Kelly said, frowning over at her girlfriend as she parked in front of Sparrow’s Nest.

“I’m not saying we confront him, obviously.” The blonde rolled her eyes.  “I just want to find out if we’re right.”

“And if we are?” She picked her bag up from the floor by her feet, getting out of the car.

“We’ll figure that out then.” Tammy shot her a bright smile and shut the engine, slipping out and heading into the building.

 

* * *

 

 

Eric smiled at the two of them as they walked in, and motioned them over to his spot.

“Hey.” Kelly smiled, sitting down in the chair next to him as Tammy went to get coffee. “How are you?”

“Good.” He shrugged. “You two have started going everywhere together.”

She laughed softly and glanced over to the coffee area. “Well. We just. We get along. I feel good when I’m with her.”

He smiled. “I’ll have to start teasing you two about wedding dates soon enough.”

“Oh, shut up.” She flushed deeply, looking down at her feet.

Tammy came over with two cups of coffee, and handed one to Kelly as she sat down by her other side. “Did you tell him about Batman?”

Kelly swallowed thickly and shot her girlfriend a look.

“What about Batman? Is he single?” Eric winked, pulling out a small baggie of cookies he had bought earlier, offering it to he girls.

“Stop being so gay and listen to what we figured out.” Tamera smirked, leaning forward to tell him her theory.

 Kelly sat between them, bouncing her leg nervously as she looked at the other members of their group as they trickled in. Giving up on talking sense into Tamera, she stood up and went to get some more sugar for her coffee. She stepped next to one of the others, Jamie Garrett.

“Hey.” She smiled at them, leaning over to get a stirrer. “Is today a ‘they’ day?”

They glanced up at her briefly and nodded. “Closer to ‘she’, even.” They picked a cover out for their cup. “But I’ll never be comfortable with that.”

Kelly hummed and stirred in an extra sugar into her drink.

“What are those two talking about?” They pointed at Eric and Tammy.

“Batman.” Kelly muttered. “Tam thinks that she knows who he is.”

Jamie’s eyes widened. “No shit.”

Kelly nodded. “Remember how I mentioned that the day with the pharmacy, I took a recording?”

They nodded, walking towards the circle with Kelly.

“Well, we listened to it, and Tammy and I heard someone in the background. Couldn’t have been anyone but Batman. Now she’s trying to convince Eric to join her on the wild goose chase of figuring out who he is.”

Jamie let out a breath as they sat down in the seat near Eric. “Fuck, that’s heavy.”

She nodded. “Yeah.” She sat down in her empty seat. “I told Tammy to leave it alone, but-“

“But it’s too much to leave alone!” Tamera insisted. “Seriously, if you could blow the cover on this…”

“And then what?” Eric asked softly.

Tamera looked at him.

“You would tell the authorities? Sell the story to the highest bidder?” Eric asked, giving her an angry look. “You’re playing with someone’s life. And he takes care of the city.”

“Who does she think he is?” Jamie asked.

“Bruce Wayne.” Eric glanced at them. “She thinks _Bruce Rich-boy Wayne_ is The Batman.”

“I know he is.” She insisted. “I can prove it.”

 

* * *

 

 

“No.”

“ _Please_.” Tammy gave her a puppy-dog face.

“No is no.” She said firmly, fixing her eyes on Tamera. “We are _not_  trespassing on his property. Jeez, do you want a restraining order that bad?”

“How else are we going to get a voice recording of his butler?”

Kelly narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “The gate is closed. If it were open, we could have gone up to the front door and said we had car trouble. But it’s _not_. We’re not breaking and entering. I don’t care how much you want this, we are not going to jail over it.”

Tamera met Kelly’s gaze and matched its intensity before turning and starting to scale the gate.

“Tam!” She growled, hurrying after her and grabbing her jacket. “Stop it!”

Tamera shrugged Kelly off and tried to find a better foothold.

“ **I suggest you stop and tell me what you are doing.** ”

Kelly squeaked and jumped back, turning around to find the source of the voice.

“ **Up here, Miss.** ”

There was the sound of a picture being taken.

“Shit!” Tammy jumped down and hurried to Kelly’s side. “Hello?”

“ **Do I have to call the authorities?** ”

“Um. No, sir?” She pulled her phone out and pressed record.

“ **Would you care to explain why you were trying to _climb_ the gate?** ”

“I. Well. We-“

Kelly cleared her throat, looking up at the camera. “Our car broke down.” She said, loud enough to be heard. “And I left my phone at home, and hers just died.” She turned to her. “Show him.”

Tammy flushed and quickly locked her screen, showing the blank face of her phone to the camera.

“I’d really appreciate it if you could call us a tow truck, or something? We weren’t trying to break in, just… we couldn’t find a bell or anything.”

“ **There is no bell because we do not take any unexpected visitors.** ”

“But what if there’s an emergency right outside?” She asked. “What if we’d have gotten into an accident and one of us needed help?”

There was silence.

“ **I will call a towing service.** ”

Kelly nodded. “Thank you so much!” She motioned to Tammy. “We’re going to wait in the car. It’s just down the way…”

There was no response, so Kelly grabbed Tammy’s hand and pulled her down the small decline of the drive. She didn’t say another word until they got into the car. Once they did, she turned to glare at her. “Happy now?”

Tammy looked at Kelly, her eyes soft. “I’m sorry. You’re mad.”

“I’m mad.” She said coldly, gripping the steering wheel. “What if he’d have called the cops?”

“He didn’t.” She pointed out.

“He almost did!” She snapped. “I don’t care about the technicalities! We could have gotten into real trouble, Tam!”

“I’m sorry, Kel… But we got a recording of him…” She grinned, hoping it would make it up to her.

“I don’t care.” She said flatly. “This was _your_  trip, not mine.”

“Kelly…”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.” She stared out the front of the car. “I really, really don’t. I don’t want to fight.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kelly dropped Tamera off at home as soon as they got the tow truck to drop them off. They barely exchanged more than six sentences each before she left, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Tammy was too reckless. Far too reckless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, I'm back!  
> It's intersession, so I'm gonna really work on being present until classes start again (on Thursday this week).  
> I promised myself I'd have this up before midnight tonight, and lo, here it is!  
> PS: I'm up to taking ideas as to which minor characters from Batman's rogues gallery should show up! I already have one idea, but throw em at me!


	11. Something's Brewing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tamera's actions are explained, and Kelly gets an idea.

Kelly sat in bed, her earbuds firmly stuck in her ears. The music playing was a playlist recommended by a fellow Sparrow’s Nester, Teri, who had told her that the music helped her cope when she was going through a tough time.  
  
Kelly had been through tough times before… Before she’d met Tammy, and it wasn’t like they were _over_. But she was pissed. She felt… used, somehow. She knew it was ridiculous, because Tamera had, in fact, offered to use _her_  parents’ car, so it wasn’t like she used Kelly for her license, nor for her car… But she just felt like Tamera put them into a situation without Kelly’s okay. And that wasn’t what she wanted their relationship to be.

She felt her phone vibrate, and the music was interrupted by a ping from her facebook messenger.

Tamera.

‘I hate that you’re ignoring me’  
'Please answer’

There was a delay of a few minutes, and then…

‘I’m sorry. I am. I was reckless. You know how I get, though. I… I’m sorry. There’s no excuse.’  
‘Will you talk to me?’  
‘Please?’

Kelly sighed and sat up, flicking her phone open and lowering the volume as she typed.

‘You know I can’t stay mad at you for long.’  
‘I’ll bring some coffee over to your place.’

There was an immediate response:

‘Coffee it is. <3 See you soon.’

 

* * *

 

 

Kelly walked into the coffee shop and fiddled with her phone as she waited for her order to be filled. She watched the TV, which was covering some Wayne Industries event, where they were unveiling some extra-special secured flash drive. She chewed her bottom lip as she watched Bruce Wayne speak. To be honest, it made _sense_. He was rich, so he had the money for all those bat-gadgets that Batman had… Seriously, which average Gothamite would have multiple vehicles on hand to rush through the streets like Batman did?

She smirked briefly as she thought of Bruce Wayne calling up whatever car manufacturer Wayne Industries had ties to and ordering a custom-made car. That _must_  have raised some eyebrows.

She perked up as she heard the barista call her name, and took the cups from him with a smile.

Just then, an idea struck her. It was crazy, but what about her or her friends _wasn't_ crazy? She headed out, her mind racing.

 

* * *

 

Less than five minutes later, she knocked on Tammy’s door with the toe of her shoe. The other girl pulled open the door, a nervous smile on her face.

“Hey, Tam.”

The blonde reached out and took the coffee from her girlfriend’s hand, leaning in to kiss her softly. “I’m sorry.” She murmured. “I lost myself.”

Kelly took a better look at her girlfriend and _saw_  her. She sighed and let her shoulders fall. “It’s okay. How are you feeling?”

“Meh.” Tammy admitted, her voice a bit tight. “I-“ She shook her head. Her hair was in a messy bun (not the cute messy, the really messy) and it was clear she hadn’t taken a shower the night before.

Kelly stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind her. “I’m mad, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” She said softly, setting down her coffee and holding her hand out for Tamera’s. “Go take a shower. I’ll be here when you get out.”

Tamera smiled and handed over her drink. “Do I stink that bad?”

Kelly huffed a soft laugh and shook her head. “Just go, babe.”

 

* * *

 

Kelly had made herself comfortable on the medium sized bed in Tammy’s room, using the remote to go to one of the shows they had been watching together. She flicked around through old episodes and leaned back, watching as she waited for her girlfriend to get out of the shower.

Now that she knew what the problem was, she understood. Tammy had a manic episode that slipped – quite quickly – into a depressive one.

It wasn’t long before Tammy got out of the shower, running a towel through her wet hair as she stepped to the bed and kneeled on, her eyes glued to the screen. “Good.” She smiled down at Kelly as she sat, one leg under her and one leg over the side of the bed. “I was nervous you went on to the next episode without me.”

Kelly shook her head and stood up, going to Tamera’s dresser. “Wouldn’t do that.” She pulled out a bra and tossed it over to her girlfriend, and then tossed a pair of underwear. “Do you want me to stay over tonight?” She asked, glancing back at her.

Tamera nodded, letting the towel fall and pulling on her bra. “We can catch up on the new episodes.”

Kelly smiled and returned to the bed, sitting down next to her girlfriend on the edge. “Did you know you were… feeling it then?” She asked softly, putting her hand on her girlfriend’s thigh.

The other girl shifted to the side. “Not now.” She said, her voice stiff.

“Tam-“ Kelly pulled her hand back. “I wasn’t… I didn’t mean that. Sorry if I… gave that impression.”

Tamera forced a small smile and stood up, pulling on her panties. “I know.” She said, her voice quiet. “If I thought you meant it, I wouldn’t want you over tonight.” She walked to her dresser and pulled out a pair of yoga pants, pulling them on deftly. “I just… want to be the one leading in the touching department right now.”

Kelly nodded. She got that. And she didn’t mind. She felt that way often enough too, and Tamera always followed her lead.

Tamera pulled on a t-shirt and padded back to the bed, her still-damp hair leaving a dark mark on the shirt. “To answer your question, no, I didn’t know I was having a manic episode.” She murmured, crossing her legs and playing with the bottom of her pants as she spoke, her eyes locking with Kelly’s. “If I would have… I would have stopped.” She said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know it hurt you, to… force that issue. And I was treating it like a game.”

Kelly just nodded.

“But I didn’t see it then. It _was_  a game then.” She said. “But when you dropped me off, it kind of hit me how I treated you.”  
  
Kelly swallowed and smiled softly. “It’s okay. Mostly.” She nodded. “I know how it can get. It doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt, but it’s… understandable, if not excusable.” She smiled wider as she saw Tamera’s eyes brighten a bit.

The idea that hit her in the coffeeshop would have to wait until Tammy was feeling better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am HERE
> 
> Writer's block be DAMNED I AM HERE


End file.
